If anyone says to you “Nickelback songs really speak to me and my life . . .Their songs are so deep” there is an ethical mandate to kick them swiftly in the neck.

I was seeing this girl a few years back and she took a decidedly sour liking to Morrissey. She hated his lyrics like for “Girlfriend in a Coma” and “Ouija Board” saying her baby sister at three years old could have written better lyrics than Morrissey.

Confused by her insistence Morrissey is a horrible songwriter, I asked her who she considered to be the finest lyricist in the land.

Her reply……….. Nickelback.

Seriously said, no irony, no sarcasm, no joking.

My love for her is no more.

This 5th grade girl dropped her diary at the mall and didn’t notice. I picked it up, thought I’d catch up to her and give it back, and then I thought otherwise. I’ve decided to sell the diary to Nickelback for lyrics on their next release.

Best. Nickelback. Album. Ever.