I was asked, “What is it like losing ‘Clare’ Clarissa Nina Castellano?”

Last night, at the Celebration of the Life of Clare Castellano, it was asked what it was like to lose Clare.

My first answer is,

“As long as I have a place reserved for only her in my heart, I’ll never lose her.”

My second answer is, imagine walking hand in hand with your girlfriend, and you look over at her and your eyes meet, and for me, all my experienced cynical mind can conjure is the one word…

Now, imagine walking hand in hand with your girlfriend, and you look over at her and your eyes meet, and for me, all my wonderfully, needlessly-cynical, and experienced heart can conjure is the one word…

IN Loving memory of Clarrisa Clare Nina Castellano

My third answer is, before Mom passed away in 2011, she shared with me,

“Steve, death isn’t scary. It means you hold on to the love and to the memories harder.”

How does it feel?

That is what it’s like to have my love Clare Castellano pass away. Clare’s passing has this effect on me.

My good friend Sara said to me, “You’ve lived more in seven months with Clare than most people ever live in their whole lifetime.”

And Clare and I experienced effortless love… and Clare and I lived true happiness … and Clare and I felt honest joy for seven months.

And guess what? Neither of us had ever felt these real emotions before we met each other. That everyone saw it in us even before we ourselves saw it in ourselves amused us. And this is one of the best conversations in the entire history of ever that happened for us this one night in April while roasting marshmallows over the backyard fire pit.

And this means there is always a void in my heart from Clare’s passing and this void will always be filled with the love and memories of Clare.

I love you, Clare. I’ll keep this space in my heart for you always, even as I move through this life without you holding my hand.

I love you, Clarissa Nina Castellano. This will never fade. And that makes me happy.

That’s about all I have to say on the matter.

Visit The Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance Albuquerque Chapter for their touching farewell to Clarissa “Clare” Nina Castellano, who served as Provider Advisor to the chapter.


  1. sue

    Beautiful words Steve!

    • Stevethink

      Thanks, Sue. My joy I share freely.

      Some, their stupidity they share freely.

      Not you and I. We have beautiful words for the world.

      Like “Big slobbery kisses.”

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