From what I’ve read and then surmised from media accounts and public opinion, men should not have sex with an intoxicated woman. At all. And I agree with this. I never picked up on a drunk lass back in college, no matter how many John Hughes films I watched. For me, it’s a function of “Where’s the challenge?” I like the challenge and game of seduction. I relish the idea that the lass is bedding down with me because she finds me intriguing and attractive, so much so that we agree to be naked together. Trying to score with an intoxicated woman is like starting off a 100 meter sprint at the 98 meter mark. Not all women. This is merely hyperbole to illustrate that alcohol lowers a person’s inhibitions to such a point they will make a choice they might not make otherwise.
Then there is the camp of “If she’s drunk it’s unwanted sex.” As a bonnie lass I’ve know for a few decades stated about Justice Kavanaugh, so eloquently, “Or he could have been a gentleman and asked first!!!” And there’s the creamy nougat center. Let me explain my personal thoughts on this.
Promoting and then capitalizing on sexual allegations is a cornerstone of American media and American politics. It directs and molds public opinion. The Court of Public Opinion is tried on the quick-draw emoting in an echo chamber. The media is excellent at letting us know what to be afraid of and what to be mad about. While I’ve known women who have attempted to induce copulation with me while both of us were intoxicated, I never did because, again, where’s the challenge? However, there is a more important component, a rational component, worthy of forthright illumination:
Now, I’m sure there are women reading this thinking I’m an apologist for rapists. I don’t care about that. Not right now. Not for this article. If you’re feeling moral outrage now, wait a few lines until I say “I have practical advice for men when it comes to having sex with intoxicated women.” Ready for it? Let it run!
Notice I didn’t say, “Fellow men, don’t have sex with an intoxicated woman because the woman can make up anything she wants at a later time to destroy your life.” Nor did I say, “Drunk women use being drunk as an excuse.” Nor did I say, “Fellow men, don’t have sex with an intoxicated woman because that is rape.” I’m not going to make these moral judgments. The media, political agendas, convenient recollections, inconvenient recollections, what have you, I’m not going to afford this line of reasoning any air time. It’s not the point I’m making.
It’s not cynical commentary or misogynistic dismissal. This is realistic rationale. The reality is the current mode of reasoning when it comes to sexual allegations is if the sexual encounter happened while the woman was intoxicated, again, there is a default validity to the allegations. That’s the reality. So, it makes stellar practical common sense to refrain from having sex with an intoxicated woman, any moral judgments aside.
As a parting thought – and if you already feel I’m an apologist for rapists then you want to skip this last observation – I know when I’m intoxicated (in the past; I no longer drink alcohol) my decisions lack wisdom and critical consideration. They are still my decisions in that I made the active choice to be intoxicated. I didn’t start out being intoxicated. I chose to drink enough alcohol that my thinking was impaired. And if I do so with other people who are intoxicated, and their wisdom and critical consideration is also muted, well . . . I won’t share some of the crappy stuff that happened to me in these situations other than to say I made some champion-grade bad choices when intoxicated. Personally, I feel great responsibility at all times for my behavior that is borne of having bipolar. Managing my behavior so I don’t make stupid choices is a constant state of being. And this is a primary reason I don’t drink alcohol and I don’t spend time with intoxicated individuals. I’m responsible for my own behavior and the environments I place myself in. And that’s a wise choice for me.
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