I often tell folks (without solicitation) of my intense, visceral dislike of cats. There are three logical and central reasons for this:

1.) I have disdain for a specie of animal that is hardwired to injure another animal just to play with (torture) the incapcitated “prey” for sport and not food. It’s not uncommon for a cat to play with (torture) an animal like a mouse, lizard, or bird for hours and then get bored, leaving the mortally injured animal to die slowly in agony.

2.) I’m allergic to cats.

To me, cats were selectively bred by humans to be adept at controlling rodent populations. This selective breeding unexpectedly (and hopefully unintentionally) created a cruel predator that doesn’t hunt for food alone. It is in the behavioral genetic personality and very being for cats to hunt to obtain a live toy.

Make no mistake of my distaste for rodents. They are filthy, invasive, and serve a primary purpose of being food for predators like a dog or a snake. I’m happiest when a snake takes up residence in my yard, resulting in a noticeable decline in the rodent population that repeatedly invades my kitchen through an unseen crack in my foundation. I shit you not. A snake eating mice produces an unrivaled joy in my very being. I am happier with a snake eating mice than even a trip to Disneyland or spending time with quality women driving American automobiles.

Let me tell you a story about a famous mouse at Disneyland. While married, my wife and I regularly took my son to Disneyland. We would see all sorts of Disney characters around the park which are only short Disney cast members in cumbersome overheated costumed … who get paid less than a Disneyland ride operator, a ride operator who spends their workday in shade and not incarcerated in a bipedal locomotion death camp.

One character high on the priority list is Mickey Mouse, Disney’s homage to diseased, destructive vermin. Tourists want their picture with Mickey. Sadly, it was a very hit or miss endeavor to site Mickey in whatever land where you’re waiting in a three hour line for an inevitably disapointing three minute ride. And if Mickey did stroll by, you face the dilemma of sacrificing your place in line for Space Mountain – ten minutes away after waiting 2:50 hours – to take a few snaps of your kid with Mickey

Disneyland did something about this. When Toontown was planned and opened, one of the attractions was Mickey’s House. Inside there are displays, exhibits, and movies of Mickey Mouse and his history. Also, Mickey is always home and this provides park-goers a GUARANTEED place to find Mickey and get a few snaps of your kid with Mickey. No more wishful dependence on Mickey just happening to stroll by. No more resentment of your kid for making you ditch your spot in the Space Mountain line – ten minutes away after waiting 2:50 hours.



Also in Toontown is Clarabelle’s Ice Cream Bonanza & Extravaganza. Once, when visiting Disneyland and before heading for the Mickey’s House queue – yes, there is even a lengthy line to meet Mickey – we decided to get some ice cream to enjoy while in line for Mickey. As we ordered and then received our ice cream at Clarabelle’s Ice Cream Rapture & Celebration, a real mouse fell from the ceiling and landed on our ice cream.



I said to Scotto, “Hey, son of mine. I guess we don’t have to wait in line to see Mickey Mouse. He just nose dived into our ice cream.”

Scotto laughed. My ex-wife screamed and made an overt fuss until the Disney guest handlers provided us with free Disneyland tickets for the following day.

That is my story of a famous (famous to my son and me) mouse at Disneyland.

Getting back to my disdain for cats, many times cat owners key in on the exclusive idea “Steve doesn’t like cats because he is allergic to them.” Many times cat owners provide a solution so I can happily own a cat.

“Did you know there are hairless cats that people aren’t allergic to? You should get one of those for a pet.”

This is a good solution if I’m torn because I really want a cat and can’t own one because of my allergic reaction to cats. However, when considering my first point of feline-disdain because they are a genetic error humans created, finding a way for me to own a cat is futility epitomized.

Fuzzy or hairless, cats suck the big green weenie.

I promised three reasons I don’t enjoy cats.

3.) Cat apologists.