Hawaiian Punch was one of my favorite playground games as a child. My childhood was an Age in American History where boys weren’t punished for being boys.

Try asking your friend “How’d you like a nice Hawaiian Punch?” and then follow through with said Hawaiian Punch in today’s touchy feely PC climate. You wouldn’t be sitting against the wall at recess. Zero Tolerance statutes would have you bussed off to criminal juvenile detention with the kid who brought a freshly bloodied machete with the freshly severed class guinea pig’s head to show and tell.

Yeah. That.