I’ve got a friend who must contract Ebola every time she visits dictionary.com. In a bout of pissy frustration, she scolded me by saying, “You use words no one knows but you!”

My reply was to nick the words of American humorist Mark Twain.

“The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and the lightning bug.”

There. I am definitively triumphant. (I win)