The fun of the Thrifty’s Double Chocolate Malted Crunch was being able to order a double Double Chocolate Malted Crunch. No other ice cream flavor from my youth allowed me to order with an implicit stutter.

These campaign ads are revealing. Words like “struggle” and “fight” are thematic, words used describing the state of being for Americans. Is this how politicians see us, as victims of a world out to destroy us, and they are our deliverers and saviors? If I ever felt victimized and threatened by a world out to destroy me I’ll never turn to a politician to take up the sword on my behalf. They are amongst the least qualified to understand any plight or malignancy and even less qualified to do anything about it.

I just realized something said when the neighbor’s dog bit me last week.

Recall, the neighbor has three or four dogs, and when I said, “Get them away from me! It bit me!’

His immediate reply was “No HE didn’t.”

How did the neighbor know which dog I was talking about? Singling out “HE” implies the neighbor saw which dog bit me.

Dang, my brain is really slow sometimes.

Observation: Many on the interweb lament mining is inherently destructive, ignoring that the device and infrastructure necessary for their commentary is entirely dependent on mining. Growing a crop of iPhones isn’t a possible technology just yet.

Back up, voting booth. I come armed with delusions.

I need a friend, not an intervention. Just a funny thought about advice unsolicited.

Having two energy sources for my home – electric and natural gas – is ideal and practical. If one energy source goes out I always have a backup. Simple.

My woke friend spent the last ten minutes lecturing me on ridding my home of natural gas because gas stove. He even has specs for a solar array in my backyard (not roof) and which electric stove is most eco-friendly.

I adore him and his willingness to both lecture and virtue signal the latest woke trend.

A newly established vetting procedure going forward:

I say, “Soz, feeling super blech, difficult getting out of bed, not up to the listening and empathy thing this time.”

The reply is, “I’m sorry to hear that. When will you be up for listening and empathizing again? I can really use someone right now and you’re the best at it.”

My reply is, “Some time between now and never again.”

Quips, barbs, and snickers directed at dudes driving EVs highlight an alleged lack of toxic masculinity. Because I don’t want my masculinity to be anything less than toxic I’ll never own or even drive an EV.

Look, I say and do things that are kind of shocking, so save your facial pyrotechnics for cruelly mocking those with severe neuromuscular disorders. You’re a monster.

A waitfoodserverperson (waiter/waitress) with a nose ring is grody to the max. It’s a Slip ‘N Slide for slimy boogers, and there’s gravity, and right into my biscuits and gravy where is that a chunk of sausage or is that the successful efficacy of Claritin.

I read books about the history of science in public, thinking that I’ll attract brainy birds who are impressed by dudes who read history of science books in public. All I get are astute Bavarian exchange students wanting to exchange troubling notes over sweet and sour Jamba Juice, and they’re never brainy birds.