The Constitution is only four pages. It’s less words than the owner’s manual for the clothes iron you just purchased with your Prime account. Your clothes iron has a 50 page owner’s manual dedicating four pages just to the recommendation of not ironing your clothes while wearing your clothes.

To improve the scholarship quality of your online contributions, I’m confident you can sneak in a quick read of our four page Constitution, our owner’s manual for the US of A. It’s an excellent owner’s manual that allows us to precicely identify when the government is malfunctioning. And it comes complete with a built-in technical support service …

The Supreme Court of the United States.

A sample contemporary customer call to SCOTUS Constitutional Technical Support:

SCOTUS: “Hello, SCOTUS Constitutional Technical Support. How can I help you today?”

We the People: “Hello, SCOTUS? Hi. Our country, it’s making a weird grinding noise when it’s ‘on.’ Can you send someone over to take a look?”

SCOTUS: “Maybe you can let it run a bit longer, see if the weird grinding noise goes away on its own.”

We the People: “No, we really need to get on it this week because this weird grinding noise is incessantly deafening and it’s always there, night and day”

SCOTUS: “Let me check the owner’s manual. Can you hold momentarily?”

We the People: “No, we can’t. We’ve been on hold since 1988. Understand this – we’re really close to fixing it ourselves.”

SCOTUS: “You do understand that will void the warranty.”

We the People: “No, not at all. Our owner’s manual says exactly the opposite. Do you have a different version than us? Look, can you send someone over or not?”

SCOTUS: “Okay, I’m getting lost here. This is beyond SCOTUS Constitutional Technical Support. I’m going to pass you on to my supervisor.”

We the People: “But he’s the weird grinding noise we’re hearing all night and day. Just listen!”

SCOTUS: “I really don’t hear this weird grinding noise of which you speak. Let me get my supervisor.”

We the People: “Fine. ‘Do It Yourself’ it is.”

C’est fin.