You might as well get me a jacket studded with medical waste for Christmas, because I’m more apt to wear that than a Snuggie.

Is there anything less sexy than a Snuggie? Let’s explore this query.

  • Nancy Pelosi – Sexier than a Snuggie.
  • A severed foot – Sexier than a Snuggie.
  • FEMA response to Hurricane Helene – Sexier than a Snuggie.
  • What? – Sexier than a Snuggie.
  • Accidentally making eye contact with the guy at the next urinal – Sexier than a Snuggie.
  • Diddy’s secret home movies involving guacamole – Sexier than a Snuggie.
  • A bloody mess found in a gas station toilet – Sexier than a Snuggie.
  • Quentin Tarantino’s licked stamp collection – Sexier than a Snuggie.
  • MSNBC – Sexier than a Snuggie.
  • Eating a pet cat in Springfield – Sexier than a Snuggie.
  • A recording of Kamala’s cackle on infinite loop – Sexier than a Snuggie.
  • Smell my finger – Sexier than a Snuggie.
  • Mmmbop – Sexier than a Snuggie.
  • Disney’s plummeting stick price – Sexier than a Snuggie.
  • Bud Light – Sexier than a Snuggie.
  • Tuck friendly – Sexier than a Snuggie.
  • Rampant inflation – Sexier than a Snuggie.
  • Trump’s YMCA dance – Sexier than a Snuggie.
  • The death cry of a doomed bunny rabbit – Sexier than a Snuggie.
  • Wide open southern border – Sexier than a Snuggie.
  • What are your pronouns? – Sexier than a Snuggie.
  • Milt that got up your nose – Sexier than a Snuggie.
  • Creamy peanut butter – Sexier than a Snuggie.
  • Greasy pork sandwich served in a dirty ashtray – Sexier than a Snuggie.
  • Renee Zegler – Less sexy than a Snuggie.
  • DNA evidence – Sexier than a Snuggie.
  • The power of one. The power of two. The power of maaaaaaaaaannnnny. – Sexier than a Snuggie.
  • Butt pizza – Sexier than a Snuggie.

The Snuggle: All the warmth of a blanket with none of the annoying dignity! I don’t want a Snuggie, thank you. Or a Chia Pet. Or the Clapper.