My friend ripped off a real stinkbomb of a fart the other day which pissed me off because he was only five feet away from me.

I geared up and was about to rip off a retaliatory fart when I thought, “No, two wrongs don’t make a right.” And, I’m fairly certain this is how the Cold War kicked off. Khrushchev stinkbombs Kennedy, Kennedy stinkbombs Khrushchev, Khrushchev eats frijoles burritos for a week and then stinkbombs Kennedy, Kennedy retaliates with a weeklong diet of undercooked pork, and suddenly Khrushchev is moving ICBMs into Cuba while an oblivious Kennedy is squatting on the Oval Throne and not sitting at the Resolute Desk in the Oval Office.

Besides, my fart might be way raunchier than his, and I’d have to smell it as well.