I’m a geologist and always have been. Back as a kid, the Peanuts’ “It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown” promised me rocks from trick-or-treating. My folks told me “If you misbehave, Santa will give you lumps of coal in your stocking.”

I had my Mom make me a Charlie Brown costume, dressed in his hole-peppered sheet for Halloween, anticipating a bag of geologic specimens. Nothing but candy on Halloween. I spun the neighbor’s cat (Casey) around and around (in my arms, not by the tail) to watch a cat run sideways, feeling very assured this was naughty enough to garner a fossil in my stocking. I got Hot Wheels and candy canes in my stocking.

My childhood was one of being screwed over by hollow animated holiday special promises.

Epilogue: My actual childhood experience was getting geologic specimens for Christmas. This is exactly my childhood experience. I’d get rocks in my stocking every year and was stoked to get rocks in my stocking every year.

I never received a rock in my Halloween bag, though.