I’ve never seen a single episode of Survivor. Not one. Yet, to dismiss an annoying person, I always use “You’re voted off the island” if I’m not using “You are the weakest link. Goodbye.” I’ve also never seen a single episode of The Weakest Link. Not one. So pathetic, my pop culture references are garnered from others who watch TV. I’m only hip by proxy, as if I watched Survivor and The Weakest Link through the eyes and ears of others.
I shook hands with Tom Arnold once, when he was married to Rosanne. By proxy, my hand was now privy to everywhere Tom Arnold’s hand had historically been. Is it worse envisioning an excited Tom Arnold alone with his hand for a long time in the lavatory on a trans-Atlantic Delta flight to Frankfurt, or to envision the same with Tom, his hand, and Rosanne together in the same flying poop shack?
I don’t know how I got here. It’s frightening.