I feel totally like a Jenny Craig valedictorian posting a snap like this. Just three weeks ago these jeans were the bottom-side of a muffin-top. You can fit two of me in here now.

This miraculous weight loss? Correlates with some other unneeded weight I dropped around the same time a month ago.

Okay, this is now the third time in five years that I’ve gone from being a significant positive gravity anomaly to being a statuesque adonisian specimen of dudetitude in the aftermath of a personal choice and solitary judgment error. I’m going to keep these jeans around, and if ever it’s like they’re sporting your choice of blueberry, poppy seed, or banana nut, it’s time to head for the escape hatch.