Let’s be forthright and honest. I was triggered badly by a peer colleague who attacked me at MHRAC last year. PTSD had always been its own creature separate from bipolar and anxiety and I was wholly unaware of how badly my marriage scarred me, leaving me open to out of control emotional tempests and symptoms I’d never experienced, and more importantly, symptoms I was entirely unprepared to manage and unskilled to cope with.
That’s different now. I’ve graduated from DBT at Sage Neuroscience (this will have an article to itself this weekend) and have a skill set that is very successful in managing PTSD symptoms and coping with symptom-triggering life experiences.
Looking back on Thoughtcrimes articles from the period of time following the attack at MHRAC, there is a very raw, honest manifestation of the anger, fear, confusion, frustration, and paranoia I was feeling in the aftermath of the triggering event. Many are copy & paste emails I sent to my MHRAC colleagues, and many are demands for justice and validation. And every article in this span of time is a direct insight upon my psyche and what it is like to live through the symptoms of PTSD.
I’ve had folks state that it’s detrimental having these articles posted publicly, and I’ve been chastised by MHRAC colleagues for being unprofessional and even despicable for having composed these articles. I’ve had folks state it’s important to delete these articles for any number of ethical and professional considerations.
Thoughtcrimes is a chronicling of my recovery journey. Being severely triggered and the emotional turmoil that followed is part of my recovery journey, and it is honest, and it is real. That I wrote articles while wildly symptomatic is my recovery journey, and it’s critically important to me that these articles are public to show others what it is like to be is crisis.
The Stand Up To Stigma peer education programs are built upon peers sharing their experiences and stories with others for greater understanding of what it’s like to be a peer. Ignorance is temporary, and education is the key. Thoughtcrimes is the model for the Stand Up To Stigma programs, and to delete these key articles because they might be a professional liability is entirely opposed to what I hope to accomplish.
Deleting these articles would invalidate the reason I sit on committees like MHRAC and FIC. Deleting these articles erodes why sharing the “peer experience” is so meaningful. Deleting these articles would convey I’m ashamed of being a peer.
Besides, contemporary Hollywood screenplays are made of this kind of genuine insight into the mind and life of peers, movies like “Silver Linings Playbook” and “A Beautiful Mind.” So start bidding now, Hollywood. I want merchandising rights for the Nutso-Wacko-Steve action figure with the Kung Fu grip and magnetic colon… such a useless super power keeping me from fighting crime in the shovel and rake aisle of Home Depot.