There is a trend and pattern I’ve observed in the recent deluge of “how to identify a narcissist” articles and blogs. It’s just how generalized the word’s application has become.
Here is an excellent illustrative meme for just this fad:
This is an unfufilling and broad definition that describes one of the less-attractive facets of human nature. To me, this seems like a fortune cookie call-out and a layman’s pseudo-diagnosis, applicable to anyone whose behavior you don’t like.
Usually, “narcissist” is used to desribe an ex-squeeze or less-than-perfect parent. From my life experience, I was married to a woman diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder. I was not diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder. Yet, this simplified definition of “narcissist” applies to both of us for different reasons and from opposed perspectives.
That’s an incredibly boastful claim, calling someone a “narcissist” without clinical validation, really no better than calling someone you think acts weird a “schizophrenic.”
And, its ready-made “view/like/share” emotive catchiness lets the word “narcissist” be unearned factual gospel when it’s nothing more than unrecognized hyperbolic bias.
Here’s a question to ponder: With the term “narcissist” having such a negative, sociopathic, and pathological connotation, are we unfairly condemning and inadvertently stigmatizing people who are merely insensitive assholes?
And, because the word “narcissist” is used so flippantly, how can this stigma adversely affect a person’s reputation, and how can this reputation adversely affect a person’s employment opportunities and personal relations?
This is already an anecdotal real thing. It’s a harmful gossipy proclamation. And there are real-world consequences to any stigma.
Unconvinced? If interested, this is the DSM-V diagmostic description of Narcissistic Personality Disorder and these are the DSM-V qualifications for Narcissistic Personality Disorder:
NPD is defined as comprising a pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), a constant need for admiration, and a lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by the presence of at least 5 of the following 9 criteria:
- A grandiose sense of self-importance
- A preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
- A belief that he or she is special and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people or institutions
- A need for excessive admiration
- A sense of entitlement
- Interpersonally exploitive behavior
- A lack of empathy
- Envy of others or a belief that others are envious of him or her
- A demonstration of arrogant and haughty behaviors or attitudes
Yes, that makes perfect sense. So
for those with limited fondness for me, feel I’m an arrogant know-it-all with this very article proving just that, and believe I bathe in a magically luxurious pool of virgin mountain goat’s milk, Himalayan clover honey, and just plain ol’ garden variety hypocrisy, here’s an easy diagnostic checklist to help you along:
- Tidily hide all black kettles, black pots, and mirrors/other reflective surfaces from yourself.
- Make a list of all the behaviors you personally don’t like about me and/or write a short narrative of whatever personal grudge to which you cling.
- Choose the five DSM-V indicators you feel best describe me.
- Force the data to fit the curve.
- Render your scholarly diagnosis and enjoy the smug satisfaction that I’m truly a narcissicist, just as you always suspected.
- Celebrate your armchair diagnostic success and create a new “How to Identify a Narcissist” meme and share share share!
Remember the good ol’ days when a “narcissist” was simply someone who spent a lot of time in front of a mirror with a spray can of Aquanet? Ah, the nostalgia of it all.
Epilogue – This article is entirely tongue-in-cheek… except the parts that aren’t.
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