While in Tokyo in 1998, my colleagues and I visited a restaurant that serves only animal penises.

The claim is each penis is inbuded with magical mystical metaphysical properties of which you become the recipient after consuming the animal penis. Blue whale penis brings you “luck through gluttony.” Panda penis brings you “joy through being cuddly.” The magical mystical metaphysical properties concerned me not. I was exclusively interested in size.

If you visit this eatery, I give you this gift of knowledge:

The red deer penis is the smallest.