I yearn for olden days of celebrity scandals and climate doomsaying. It was a simpler time of relative moral purity.

Stubbornly braying “You don’t know what you’re talking about! You’re clueless!” reminds me of the very same reflexive myopic intolerance being railed against.

There is an entire sparkly magical and omni-colorful universe of thought, nuance, and consideration just outside the echo chamber. Join us for joyous erudition any time you like.

I’m launching a new social networking site called “Crotchbook” where people can upload pictures of their junk and choose friends based on this.

I spent $2000 for a lip reading course and all for naught. Covid sucks.

Remember back at the beginning of May when certain news outlets and specific politicians tried to convince us preemptively COVID-19 is directly analogous to the Spanish Flu? That was cool.

My non-partisan social commentary/satire is political only when it runs contrary to your stubbornly defended political beliefs. Otherwise, it’s spinning comedy gold out of thin air.

Stuff once considered important and now considered less important than contrived riots, coordinated hatred of Trump, and forcing people to wear masks:

– Suicide awareness
– One-time use plastic grocery bags
– Greta
– Police use of force
– The economy
– North Korea
– Felicity Huffman and Lori Laughlin
– Boeing 737
– Notre Dame
– Russia alledgedly disrupting election
– Hunter Biden scandal
– Wildfires in Australia
– Brexit
– Jeffrey Epstein death
– Harvey Weinstien
– Vaping
– Impeachment

That rightfully criticizing C19 masks is so politicized speaks to something infinitely more dangerous than a virus.

“Any fool can make a rule, and any fool will mind it.” – Henry David Thoreau.

These are wise words from a dude who stared at water for years.

“America is the most grandiose experiment the world has seen, but, I am afraid, it is not going to be a success.” – Sigmund Freud. With his indisputable prescient grasp on foreign affairs, there really is no danger of appeal to false authority here.

What the f……??? COVID-19 cases are surging in light of increased widespread testing AND people isolated for three months suddenly being exposed to a novel virus? This makes zero sense… what kind of dark wizardry is this???

It’s nigh time to finally be rid of split infinitives.

Missing cat? I’m holding out for the reward fliers, and I don’t care if you call it ransom.

It almost seems like mainstream media gives all the reasons, excuses, and permissions to be hateful anyone could possibly ask for.

White people, please stop lecturing me. It’s getting rougher and rougher stiffling my laughter.

We’ve been conditioned to seek out what to be scared of, what to be angry about, and what to be disgusted by. It’s a void that daily must be filled, without critical thought or wisdom. It’s easier to fill the void with prepackaged rhetoric.

George Floyd died May 25. It’s June 25. I haven’t heard of any call to end violence and destruction or any intent to gather all affected parties in conversation to move forward as a united people.

Things got weird in this country when we started shaking down 85 year old grannies from Keokuk at the airport so we could legally prove how evolved we are.

Because we no longer have to wear masks and social distance in very very very large public gatherings, now is the perfect time to bring back the WPA and CCC. I’d rather earn a paycheck from the federal government than receive a stimulus check.

Where do I file a grievance for what offends me? I don’t want to end up at the back of the line for this one.

Mount Rushmore is doomed. And don’t think even for a picosecond my weary comment isn’t already a parametaquasi-planned protest.

“Slave owner” is the next term to face review and revision.

For those looking for justice, pass me by. The only way you’ll do me in is to strangle me with my own halo.

I can’t decide on a topic for my manifesto. All the good ones have been taken. The plight of the shaved wombat . . . that sucks. It’s been a rough morning.

All Albuquerque needs to do is rechristen the event as “Albuquerque International Balloon Protest” and we’re good to go. No social distancing or masks required!

Justice or just desserts?

The retrograde, untested, and unconfirmed diagnosis of C19 and alteration of cause of death is terrifying. Join me in being terrified about something real?

When it comes to spikes in COVID-19 infections this month…


When do the Biden Rallies begin? He’s been all but silent since securing the DNC nod and I still have no idea what he believes and what he intends to do to bring greatness to our suffering country. I’m really excited to hear what he has to say!

When a debate devolves to semantics, the debate loses all function, credibility, and purpose.

I offer sympathy. As for empathy, unless I’ve lived similar experiences for similar reasons, empathy is something I can never offer.

An odd and troublesome sentiment is “All lives don’t matter until black lives matter.” Stripped of contemporary connotation, It feels like a threatening manifesto.

Lithuanians are the only nationality left that you can make fun of and not be accused of racism.

Any political speech sounds weighty and profound with the lead-in, “More than any time in history, mankind is at a crossroads.”

To clarify accusations I often delete, I did not vote for Trump.

Disagreeing is not racism.

I feel zero obligation to respect and value your opinion when what you say I neither respect nor value.

If you’ve consumed any Quaker Oats pancakes, please induce vomiting with greatest immediacy.

Great Caesar’s Ghost! Want to learn who has motivations other than friendship and camaraderie? Watch how many folks “unfriend” you when you change your relatioship setting on Facebook. Amazing.

Herd immunity caves to herd mutiny.

Existential COVID

Do I wear the facemask or does the facemask wear me?

It deserves repeating myself:

Common belief is not the same as common sense.

Accusing the Dine’s sacred whirling logs symbol of being a Nazi symbol is retrograde racism and is inexcusable.

Analogy: The study of everything anal.

Back to being a professional writer again. It’s weird, people paying for words that are readily available to everyone absolutely free.

Make your moral code unique to your own heart and you’ll never ask for permission again.

If my neighbor pulls his trashcans through my yard one more time, I’ll probably bitch about it on Facebook and then do nothing else about it. America!

In another odd, unsolicited conversation, a friend surmised I’ve been with a goodly number of women because I’m overcompensating for being gay.

Two replies came quickly to tongue:

1.) And I read incessantly because I’m overcompensating for my illiteracy.

2.) Stop hitting on me, dude.

I went with the latter.

Black pride is possible without white shame.

I’m going to strap a pair of cats named “Subatomic Particle A” and “Subatomic Particle B” to the front of a couple of Toyota Priuses (the ones with the sticky gas pedals) and shoot them off at each other, creating my own amusing macroscopic super-collider. Eat your heart out, CERN!!!

Hypothetical: The electoral college is abolished today. In November, Trump wins a second term.

It’d be side-chaffingly hilarious for Trump to win the popular vote, yet he would have lost the election if the electoral college still existed.