For a peer, the capacity to say “No” and hold firm is essential to mental wellness.

When someone says “No, I don’t want to talk”, this doesn’t mean they’re not being accountable, this doesn’t mean they’re not taking responsibility, this doesn’t mean they’re selfish.

This means they know what conversations are important for them.

This means someone’s leaving disappointed, and perhaps frustrated and unhappy as well.

If in this situation myself, I side with “Better you than me.” My wellness is my priority.

No obligations. No entitlements. No expectations. No disappointments.

—-

January 12, 2020
Additional reflections

This short article was inspired by a lass who I had to ghost because she wouldn’t respect my boundary.

Her bullying began last autumn with, “I’m mad at you and it’s important for you to hear why.”

I replied, “No. I’m not in a place for this conversation.”

Her reply was, “Let’s have the conversation anyway and see how it goes. This is important.”

Important to you, not me. I stood firm.

The spectre of this conversation never let up. The ghosting would have been healthier for me had I said last autumn, “No. And this and conversation will never happen. Practice assertiveness on someone else.”

Now I know better.