So there’s this girl on Zoosk with a profile snap of holding her cat and smiling lovingly to this cat. Her profile narrative reveals her cat just inherited the baby name she’s been saving since 6th grade. Pass. No dice for this career cat non-enthusiast.

But then her user name is “Ichthyologist” … dammit, a Catlady intrigues me. Fish are cool because they can get oxygen from water. Dammit, this Catlady is intriguing me. A woman with a cat. Dammit.

I love myself, but I don’t have to like myself right now.