– Exclusive tax breaks and way cool secret handshake.
– Satisfying serenity all your hard work goes to paying your employees better than the minimum wage they deserve. Humanitarian of the Millenium!
– You no longer have to give your credit card number just so a woman will talk to you.
– Upon your demise, you are entombed for eternity with all your bags of money and slaves/employees like the Pharaohs of Old.
– You’ve got a pretty good idea of who needs to be culled for a “little more elbow room” on the planet.
– Advanced degrees in everything and all the false authority that comes with it.
– Part of the deal for your generous campaign contribution is you get to saddle up Pelosi and ride her around Washington, D.C. like a prized golden steed every third Tuesday.
– Who has Dungeons & Dragons dice fashioned from the frozen tears of aborted unicorn fetuses? This guy!
– You don’t have to pretend to like cats.
– Smug sense of security knowing that even though the market crashed, there’s unemployment in the millions, and your 401K took a mighty hit from the COVID-19 economic lockdown, if you live to a thousand years old you’re still financially solid for at least 25 million lifetimes.