Simple boundary: Don’t talk to me about the ex-gf. Don’t tell me what she’s up to, don’t tell her what I’m up to. Don’t involve me in any way. I want to heal.

Violate boundary: Tell me she’s going to kill herself and I need to take this seriously.

I think you should know that [name removed] mentioned thwhile you were dating that if she left you she would kill herself. I’m not interested in debating whether it is true or not. It is a serious claim and I choose to take it seriously.

Response: Now I’m involved. I can’t call her or risk my own mental wellness. Request wellness check from APD.

Result of wellness check: Ex-gf is fine and has been fine. I was manipulated, violated, and lied to in an attempt to force me to make contact with my ex-gf.

Solution: Ghost the perpetrator.

Epilogue: I’m furious. Now there is a mental health welfare check on the ex-gf that is a public record that any background check can easily recover. Known from personal experience, a potential employer doesn’t read the 10-40 incident report to see there was nothing wrong. The potential employer merely sees “mental health welfare check.”

I was duped by one peer to create a needless and harmful public record. If my boundary had been honored, I would have no reason to be concerned, and I wouldn’t have…


Epilogue 2.0: I do not hold my ex-gf responsible for the manipulation, violation, and lies. She wasn’t involved in this at all.

Epilogue 3.0: It is despicable for one peer (perpetrator) to harm another peer (ex-gf) in such an underhanded and irrespobsible way. My take? The perpetrator saw an opportunity to drive a larger wedge between me and my ex-gf, almost guaranteeing she and I can’t collaborate with each other professionally in the future.


And now I’m upset enough I’m nauseous. Excellent.