Even typing this now, I feel my whole GI tract pushing up into my throat. Thus is the nature of PTSD, and thus is the nature of procrastinating re-empowering myself.
What was originally going to be a solo article here at Thoughtcrimes has now blossomed into a full podcast on stigmatization, but not of the sort typically singled out as external. No, this podcast (and subsequent article) will explore the nature of how peers stigmatize themselves, and often inadvertently.
For me, this come from a very uncomfortable truth and a pattern of behavior I have of protecting others before caring for myself. I’ve known for over a year what I’ve needed to do to aid my own recovery, and still, I allowed my attacker and the inaction of those I placed my deepest trust in to continue on as if nothing detrimental occurred to me.
At the urging of my family and friends, we are going to dedicate our next SUTS podcast to peers placing unreasonable expectations upon themselves, the stigmas we create for ourselves, and how this often runs completely contrary to self-care. Our other peer podcasters are readying their own stories to share. This is going to be a very powerful and uncomfortable podcast (for all involved), and it is something I should have done for myself over a year ago. Never again, because I don’t have the energy necessary to protect others before my own needs. Lesson learned . . . again.