Upon a dating app, it’s very clear I’m not fond of cats. I explicitly state cats are a no-go deal killer.

Every lass upon the dating app who messages me laments I’m not fond of cats, that it’s over before it begins because I’m not fond of cats. These lasses upon the dating app are all single. This is why they’re upon the dating app. And these lasses who are single upon the dating app all adore cats.

The universe is not lazy enough for coincidence.