Rake me over the coals for any perceived insensitivity crime. It needs to be said.

My ex-wife, Susan Solverson Cruz, abused me in so many creatively destructive ways. And admittedly, I turned to researching any and all published psychoses, looking for some explanation for why she did this to me, thinking if she possessed some known pathology it would explain away some of the wreckage in my life.

I came across sociopathy, I came across psychopathy, I came across narcissistic personality disorder, and I thought, “Aha! That explains it!” And somehow I expected a medical explanation for her abuse of me would help me feel better.

It didn’t. And I understand why now.

By attributing her abuse of me as a medical condition, I’ve effectively provided her an excuse for how horrific she was to me, I’ve given her permission for abuse “because she just can’t help it she has a mental disease.”

I don’t allow myself a get out of jail free card for my harmful bipolar behavior. I take resonsibility for my symptomatic behavior. Why should I afford my abuser this luxury?

Susan abused me because she chose to abuse me. It wasn’t narcissism or sociopathy or psychopathy. She’s an abuser, she enjoys abusing, and she’s a horrible person. No excuses.