This is wild. Most of my friends locally are Democrats as it happens, unbeknownst to me and a disquieting revelation. They’re losing their mind, screaming at me for the audacity of inviting them to “Am I Racist?”

It’s just crazy, like I threatened to eat their cats, as most of these grumpy friends are childless cat ladies. Of course. I mean, c’mon. Do I look like I’m in this country illegally and unaware that any animal with a collar and rabies tag is not to be feasted upon? Now who’s being audacious? Not this guy.

I’m perplexed by such visceral reactions to a polite invitation between friends. Such animosity, you’d think I really did eat their cat, which I didn’t do as far as they know. I’m troubled by this strain upon our friendship and I must know why our friendship is so strained.

Is it because they are racist and can’t handle being confronted by the truth of their bigotry, I asked?

More fury. I win.