At least once a year I explain I’m not a serial killer of cats and I’m not Hitler. I just like writing cat jokes, reason below. Here goes…

For cat apologists who don’t enjoy my cat jokes, this is the serial killer Hitler logic of what I’ve heard so many times from so many cat apologists. The logic is this:

1.) People who torture and kill small animals become serial killers.

2.) Cats are small animals.

3.) The biggest serial killer of all is Hitler.

4.) If you don’t like cats you’re Hitler.

Never mind domestic cats kill over 2 billion small animals each year in the USA … that can be verified. Never mind domestic cats don’t hunt for food, they hunt for fun, often torturing the small animals prior to killing the small animals… if they even bother to kill the small animal they injured. Often, the cat gets bored and leaves the animal they injured to die in pain and trauma.

Since I’ve never tortured or killed a cat, I contend I’m not a serial killer Hitler and further contend every domestic cat fits the qualification of a serial killer Hitler. I make cat jokes because cat apologists are very easily offended and in anthropological curiosity this is both interesting and amusing for me.

In a cosmic confluence of Hitler and cats, Poland recently declared domestic cats an invasive specie, citing a significantly disrupted ecosystem by introducing an apex predator for which indigenous species have no natural or instinctual defenses.

Do you feel I’m being hyperbolic and do you need proof of Hitler-caliber genocide (in metaphoric and practical terms) by feline? At Stephen’s Island in New Zealand, a single domestic cat – Mr. Tibbles – is blamed for single-handedly wiping out the entire remaining population of the endangered Stephen’s Island wren. Mr. Tibbles left to roam at will caused the extinction of an entire endangered indigenous specie. One cat, complete genocide (in metaphoric and practical terms). One cat. Very much like Hitler, only the cat was completely more successful.

1400 wrens killed in a matter of weeks, memory serving. Gone. Forever. Because of a mistake we created.

Want a new cat joke? Of course you do! A question needn’t the asking.

A cat walks into a bar and orders a bowl of milk. The bartender, realizing that cats do not have the higher brain function in order to talk, naturally deduces the cat is an evil freak of an evil cat plot to populate the world with evil cats and wisely unburdens the mortal coil of the cat.