Okay, I’ve heard about this “Facebook Jail” thing and had yet to experience the thrill of bot-triggered reprimand.

Until tonight, oh wretched fateful night.

Tonight, my entire world wickedly transmuted, as if waking from a lovely Disney-themed dream into a world ravaged by viral pandemic devoid of common sense and toilet paper. Even as I timidly gaze about my bedchamber, the reality of twenty minutes ago seems a thousand lifetimes ago. As I shamefully meet the eyes of my reflection, I don’t recognize the hollowness before me. Who is that? What are you? Damn your eyes! Answer me!


Facebook answers for me.

By Facebook’s reckoning, I have become a Purveyor of Hatespeech, a Merchant of Racism, a Denizen of a Bankrupt Humanity.

Or maybe I popped a Geoffrey Chaucer-caliber joke to make a friend in Italy laugh, as we’re both already laughing about the goofiness of media manipulation, and YouTube and Facebook unilaterally selecting “real” and “false” information.

Here’s the skinny. My buddy, Mariella, posted a link about the “Plandemic” pseudodocumentary that YouTube and Facebook have been axing like an overcaffinated lumberjack tasked with making 342 trillion toothpicks by midnight under threat of turning into a pumpkin.

Our comment thread follows the dangers of YouTube and Facebook censorship with no oversight, and being entirely forthright, I actually think I hurt Zuck’s tender feelings deeply and personally by being critical of his company so that’s the true reason why I got the Facebook scolding. It had nothing to do with my alleged hatespeech transgression. Zuck is such a soy-boy at times..

Back to our comment conversation. As you can see, Mariella does a dainty eyeroll about the Italian presso translating Trump’s sarcastic “bleach your insides until free of CoVid” comment, reinforcing the persona of Trump being Wuhan Bat Shit Crazy. And, with great appreciation from this American, Mariella reassures me she doesn’t believe Americans are stupid enough to drink bleach by command of our Commander In Chief.

So I pecked out this Oscar Wilde-caliber reply:

And then I got this screen in the Facebook app:

And then I got this screen in the Facebook app:

And then I tore myself away from trying to impress Mariella with my Jonathan Swift-caliber wit so I could jam down this tale before the mirth felt strong within my bones diminished even in the least. Whew! Just made it. I need a hug.

Hatespeech. Look, I love all the world’s peoples for every culture and every person in every culture has something special to offer every one of us sharing this planet. This is my honest worldview and I know it to be true. A hug. I need one.

I’m not even sure who I hate. Americans? Italians? Facebook moderators? Handsome Actor James Woods? It’s a mystery sure to haunt me through all my remaining days and mortally threatens to… no. No, it’s all good. I’m over it. Thank you, DBT skills. I need that hug. I’m not kidding.

Dude, I love people. This lockdown sucks because I love people and miss them a lot. I need it, that hug, or maybe a cuddle. Hug first and see where the whims of the eve lead.

Yes, I love the world’s peoples. Except those Lithuanians. You have to keep a close eye on your cat around those Lithuanians, let me tell you from painful experience.

And, yes, I recognize the poetic justice of being censored by Facebook because I was having a conversation on Facebook about how Facebook is censoring.