Parents who say “My child is my hero” are wacky. What has your child done to earn your heroic adoration? Stormed a beachhead under enemy fire? Designed, built, and flown a rocket into space? Eradicated Covid 19? Liberated X (formerly Twitter, duh) from woke censorship?

You’re telling me that in all your years on this planet it took these few years of having a small, dependent-entirely-on-you larva before you were finally inspired by another human being. Not a single other human has done anything at all where you were taken aback by their unique accomplishment or singular skill. I usually save the word “pathetic” for ineffective politicians – so I use the word a lot – but your cultural myopia is so unique and singular I’ll include you in this not all that rarified subculture.

Your child is your hero. Pathetic.

Your child faces the toughest of world-altering superhuman challenges, like whether to eat a booger or a Lego brick. Not heroic … I hope.